I call bullshit. These don't taste at ALL like booze and regret. I want my money back.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
International Incident
Some random day a few summers ago, D and I had woken up and declared it a Beach Day. We called up our beach-goingest friend, Rivera, because A) we knew he'd be down for it, B) we knew he'd probably drive us, and C) he always knew of some beach party in the works.
The day was largely uneventful. Drinks, sand, meatheads, the usual, so we got bored with it pretty quickly. We decided to head back to our neck of the woods, and grab some tacos on the way back to Rivera's house. We were sitting in a booth waiting for our food when I noticed the guy in the booth behind us staring in our general direction. I was the only one facing him, D and Rivera had their backs to him. Then the guy started muttering under his breath in Spanish. At this point I kicked Rivera under the table and gave him the extreme-raised-eyebrow glare, which, as everyone knows, is the international symbol for "holy shit this dude behind us is fucking nuts."
Rivera turned around and looked at the guy, who at this point was straight-up talking shit en Espanol. Rivera, being fluent in Spanish, and also being a notorious hothead, started talking shit right back. Then they both stood up. Then they were standing chest to chest. Then D and I scurried back out to Rivera's truck and locked the doors.
The guys both came outside, still in each other's faces, still yelling in Spanish. Then they both started to back down, and eventually bro-hugged it out. Rivera went back in to grab our food, and we left.
D and I immediately started in with the "what the fuck was THAT about" questions. Rivera explained that the guy was Puerto Rican, and could tell that Rivera was Mexican. Apparently there's a lot of bad blood between the Mexicans and the Ricans. To paraphrase Don Cheadle's character in Crash, it's amazing that somebody could take all those diverse Latin American cultures and teach them all to park on the lawn.* Anyway, Rivera also explained that this gentleman took issue with the fact that Rivera was accompanied by two white girls. D and I didn't know what to make of that.
When we asked him what finally caused this guy to back down, Rivera said he gave him some mumbo jumbo about stopping Latino-on-Latino violence. Then he gave us a sly grin and said "I also told him that I had to go because I'm trying to get both of you home for a threesome."**
*I'm not racist at all, but you have to admit that's damn funny.
**DIDN'T HAPPEN
The day was largely uneventful. Drinks, sand, meatheads, the usual, so we got bored with it pretty quickly. We decided to head back to our neck of the woods, and grab some tacos on the way back to Rivera's house. We were sitting in a booth waiting for our food when I noticed the guy in the booth behind us staring in our general direction. I was the only one facing him, D and Rivera had their backs to him. Then the guy started muttering under his breath in Spanish. At this point I kicked Rivera under the table and gave him the extreme-raised-eyebrow glare, which, as everyone knows, is the international symbol for "holy shit this dude behind us is fucking nuts."
Rivera turned around and looked at the guy, who at this point was straight-up talking shit en Espanol. Rivera, being fluent in Spanish, and also being a notorious hothead, started talking shit right back. Then they both stood up. Then they were standing chest to chest. Then D and I scurried back out to Rivera's truck and locked the doors.
The guys both came outside, still in each other's faces, still yelling in Spanish. Then they both started to back down, and eventually bro-hugged it out. Rivera went back in to grab our food, and we left.
D and I immediately started in with the "what the fuck was THAT about" questions. Rivera explained that the guy was Puerto Rican, and could tell that Rivera was Mexican. Apparently there's a lot of bad blood between the Mexicans and the Ricans. To paraphrase Don Cheadle's character in Crash, it's amazing that somebody could take all those diverse Latin American cultures and teach them all to park on the lawn.* Anyway, Rivera also explained that this gentleman took issue with the fact that Rivera was accompanied by two white girls. D and I didn't know what to make of that.
When we asked him what finally caused this guy to back down, Rivera said he gave him some mumbo jumbo about stopping Latino-on-Latino violence. Then he gave us a sly grin and said "I also told him that I had to go because I'm trying to get both of you home for a threesome."**
*I'm not racist at all, but you have to admit that's damn funny.
**DIDN'T HAPPEN
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